Yard Act – Blackpool Illuminations Lyrics


Yeah… so, it must’ve been 1996?
And we, ehm…
We did often go to Blackpool
Was about once a year
To see the illuminations
But, ehm, usually we just went for the day
‘Cause we didn’t live that far away
But for some reason, this year we’d…
We’d gone for two nights
Ehm, and we were staying in a bed-and-breakfast on the front
And I was acting reckless
Ehh, like most six year olds

Bouncing on the bed and pissing about
And, yeah, I was like most kids, I was curious
Yeah, I was often, ehh, exploring things shouldn’t be and
You know, putting myself in, ehh, danger
Much to the dismay of me mum and dad
And I remember that the plan was
We were gonna go, ehm, to the the other end of the strip for some tea
And we were gonna drive down and take in the illuminations on the way
And my mum was getting ready in the toilet
And my dad had just gone down to the bar to get some drinks and that, I think, and…

Yeah, I was
I was excited to be there
I was excited to not be at school
And I think at that age
You, ehm, you feel most in love…
With you parents
I think they’re your best friends
And they’re your whole world
And they keep you safe and you know them better than anyone else
And when they’re happy together with you…
The fact that you never want life to change
Would you say that’s your biggest fear?


Would I say what’s my biggest fear?
Ehm, no, I’d probably say being drowned and buried at the bottom of a lake is my biggest fear
And do you wanna tell me any more about that?
Not right now, no, sorry
I, ehm, I wouldn’t mind getting to the bottom of this Blackpool illuminations story if that’s okay
By all means
Cheers, thanks
So, anyway, ehh, where was I?
Yeah… ehm, so I wanted to see out of the window, but I wasn’t tall enough
And the only way I could gain the leverage to do so was by climbing on to the radiator pipe
Which was following the skirting board ’round the edge of the room

So I did
And can you, ehm, tell me what happened next?
Ehm, using the strength of my chin I could hold on to the windowsill with that
And with my, ehh, fingers also sort of gripping
Gripping the rim as well
And I was kinda doomed from the start, I think
Because instantly my foot slipped, bit into the brick
And I split the skin and bust both lips
I screeched
You know the way sand inevitably fucks your chips up when you eat them on the beach?
That’s the way the rust rubbed into my gums
The blood was gushing and I screamed
It was a gale force ushered from a paltry gust
My ears were ringing, my face was stinging from ear to ear
Like I’d been kissing all the dead jellyfish that kept washing up on the beaches round here

So, mum, she had to run to get the Calpol from the chemist
While dad pacified me with a pack of crisps
And I remember this bit specifically
‘Cause for some reason
The ones he gave to me were packaged differently
Typically these don’t come in a blue bag
They call ’em “ready salted”
A self-explanatory tag
But I was stopped in my tracks as the new premise was flagged
That colour coding wasn’t gospel at all
It was just a bonus gag
And maybe the flavour “ready” meant “we’re already doomed”
And what if “salted” meant salted like the salt rubbed in the wound of
Every injury I’d accumulated trying to leave the room
‘Cause in a future still unwritten

Punishment is waiting for a moment you don’t get to choose
The crying soon subsided when the Calpol worked its magic
So we bundled in the car to see the golden mile looking absolutely tragic
The fizzy fish I was sucking on fell and flopped under the seat
And got caked in dead skin and crisp crumbs, impossible to eat
So instead I stared out across the pitch-black Irish Sea
And wondered what other pleasures were still left out there waiting for me
The illuminations no longer of appeal

For I’d seen through the illusion when I bit the brick
And now I knew what was really real
And what was just the punchline for this joke-shop magic trick
And I just stopped staring
Six years old, and I stopped caring
Eventually I stopped staring directly at anything
Head down, just keep moving
Chasing girls, and listening to music
Convinced I’d never amount to anything

Convinced I was of no use to no one
That trajectory was so soothing
Nothing to prove, nothing to lose
Accept days on end, stoned in a daze
Waking up in a haze again
The world started illuminating itself to me in new ways
So here I was again
On a grey mid-May day
In line for the big one
When ‘A Beautiful Day’ suddenly blared out over the PA
So loud I leapt out of my skin all over again
The pill Connor gave me kicked in
And I couldn’t believe what I was hearing
This is the hour of letting pain go

It was so comforting to know that I still had it within me to feel things
Because for a time I never thought I would again
And that’s terrifying
That’s terrifying at any age
Perhaps we could reach utopia after all
Are you making this up?
Ehh, some of it, yeah, why?
Well, what are you doing that for?
I just didn’t want to burden anyone with the truth
The truth?
Because I know now I’m never gonna get my utopia
But if I can show you how to cope

And give you scope to grow beyond the moment of each new low
Then I know I don’t need utopia
‘Cause the unknown is the only true hope for a brighter future
And if you know that
Then beyond the food, warmth and shelter
Beyond the bedtime stories I always swore to you were true
I’ve given everything I could ever give to you
You won’t remember, but we took you to Blackpool too
And I watched you like a hawk as you explored beneath the boardwalk
In those big clumsy shoes your grandma bought for you

And I drove us home as the sun set
We were listening to the latest bounces by the band
You’d fallen asleep, and I squeezed your mother’s hand
Finally I’d made it
And for the first time I felt truly free
With my beautiful family and my dream job no longer a dream
Still now it baffles me
I attained perfection with you
I attained perfection
So why the fuck was I wondering what wankers would think of album two?

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